So a few things before you read this.
One, this is set during that annoying scene in which both our people screwed up the next eight years of my life, by making me continually have to write about them fixing the problems created when Carly decided to be helpful. She’s not good at it, and man I wished she’d stop.
Two, I know there’s a lot of profanity in this. There are a few reasons for this. I normally do not include a ton of profanity in my writing, because the show doesn’t, for obvious reasons, which means it’s always slightly out of character to use it. However, this is different. I was rewatching some scenes from 2006, working on a plot sketch for a story set during this annoying period, and I just kept so getting so angry. The angrier I got, the more I wonder why Elizabeth never got truly pissed off, since up until the point she chose to lie to Jason, she was relatively blameless. I want Lizzie Webber to come out and play more often.
Three, this was originally supposed to be twice as long, but once I started writing the final scene, I realized it didn’t need to continue. However, a confrontation with Lucky and a scene with Emily should have been after the last scene, so they are missing from this story. I thought about adding them earlier, but it just didn’t work for me. So, sorry about that.
Four, this may not even be a great story, and it may have just been more carthartic for me, but well…such is life 😛
Everything you say to me
Takes me one step closer to the edge
And I’m about to break
I need a little room to breathe
Cause I’m one step closer to the edge
And I’m about to break
– One Step Closer, Linkin Park
“Carly told me about the baby. That it’s Lucky’s…and you know…it’s for the best.”
Looking back, Elizabeth Spencer could pick this moment as the moment she was done with the world. She could literally feel a switch turn on in her brain. Five minutes ago, she would have thought the words coming out of Jason Morgan’s mouth would have devastated her, but instead…
She was pissed. The anger boiled in her veins. This entire experience—from the moment she had told Jason she was pregnant and that the baby might be his had been plagued by complete insanity. Her psychotic ex-husband knew about this situation, which meant it was a ticking time bomb. His trampy piece of shit girlfriend told Nikolas, and God only knew how long he would keep it to himself.
And to top it all off…motherfucking Carly Corinthos had hightailed it over here with her poisonous lies.
Elizabeth arched her eyebrow and smirked. Jason frowned and tilted his head, looking her in that way she’d used to dream about.
Now she just wanted to throttle him.
“Well. Wasn’t that nice of Carly,” Elizabeth said, voice dripping with sweetness. “How helpful she was. It’s just a goddamn shame she couldn’t have bothered to find out the truth.”
She could tell the moment the meaning behind her words hit him, because his eyes widened ever so slightly, and his mouth dropped open. “Elizabeth—”
“But don’t worry,” Elizabeth cut in. “Because I don’t need a goddamn thing from you. My life is fucked up, I get it. I’m about to end my third marriage to my second husband and I’m about to have a second child by a second babydaddy. I get it.” She tossed her hair back. “I don’t need anything,” she repeated. “And I don’t want anything.”
“Wait a second—” Jason stepped forward. “Are you telling me—”
“I don’t know why I’m surprised,” Elizabeth said. “It’s not like you should have bothered to wait until I told you the news or I don’t know…maybe wait until I actually confirmed it, since it’s not like Carly hasn’t lied about paternity results before.” She tapped her chin. “Oh wait, she just did that. This year.” She reached into her purse and withdrew the paternity results. “In case you doubt me.” She flung the envelope at him, but it landed between their feet when he made no move forward.
“I’m sorry, I didn’t—”
“I may be shit out of luck when it comes to men,” Elizabeth interrupted him again. “No surprises there, but you know what? I’m fucking fantastic mother, and I’m going to prove it by getting Cameron out of my disastrous marriage and I will be damned if my second child ever feels like he was unwanted—”
“This baby is not unwanted,” Jason began, his voice tight. Like he had a goddamn right to be angry.
“No, it certainly is not. I’m so sorry,” Elizabeth snarled, “that my child is such an inconvenience to you that you think would be better for a drug addict to be its father.” She looped her purse over her shoulder. “You couldn’t wait to keep Carly’s kid away from a drunk like AJ, but it’s fine for my kid to be raised by a pill-popping cheating son of a bitch who threw me to the ground when I tried to walk out on him—”
“Wait, this has gotten out of hand. Elizabeth, can’t we just talk about this—”
“Too little, too late. You can apologize all you want for saying it, but you said it,” she retorted. “So we both know how you really feel. I am absolutely done with you and yours, Jason Morgan. Go to hell.”
She slammed the door behind her and decided that being angry felt so fan-fucking-tastic that she was going to ride this high straight to the nearest divorce lawyer.
She was going to set the world on fire, and she wasn’t entirely sure she didn’t mean that literally.
“I want a divorce,” Elizabeth told Robyn Nichols. “I don’t want alimony, I don’t want child support. I want to strip Lucky Spencer of any paternal rights the courts might think he has.”
The first lawyer she’d found in the phone book merely raised one perfectly arched eyebrow. “Sounds bitter. You sure you don’t want me to take him to the cleaners?”
Elizabeth snorted. “I’ve been the major wage earner in the family for the last year. He’s a drug addict who encouraged the police commissioner’s daughter to steal pills and had an affair with her. In our bed. He brought pills into our home, where my four-year-old son lives. There’s not much to take.”
“Still…stripping him parental rights,” Robyn mused. “What if he gets clean?”
“I’ve never personally known an addict to stay clean,” Elizabeth retorted. “I’ve known Lucky Spencer most of my life, and since his miraculous return from the dead, I’ve tried to ignore his faults, but I won’t do it anymore. He’s jealous, and I’ve known him to turn violent when he thinks it’s justified. He told anyone who would listen I was having an affair with a colleague and he used that excuse to go out and have one of his own.” She smirked. “I’m through.”
“He’s not the father of my first child,” she continued, “and he is not the father of my second child. I want him out of my life. I want to break this goddamn permanent lock that’s been hanging around my neck for years for good.”
“All right…” Robyn slid her retainer agreement across the desk. “Far be it for me to argue.”
She waited for the guilt to surface, the same guilt that had kept her with Lucky when he kept telling her to be with Nikolas, that kept her from running to Jason after the warehouse fire or kissing him any of the eight thousand times they’d come close…or taking his hand and walking away from him…she waited for the guilt and obligation to swallow her whole.
And felt relief when the only emotion she could feel was anger.
She liked anger. Anger was productive. It made her feel in control. It gave her back the self-respect and dignity she’d lost finding her husband with a barely legal woman in her bed.
She may stay pissed off forever.
“Darling…” Audrey Hardy said as Elizabeth lugged in another box of Cameron’s toys from the car. “It’s not that I don’t blame you for leaving Lucky…I just…I worry that you’re…”
“What, Gram?” Elizabeth planted a hand on her hip. “Getting mixed up with Jason Morgan again? Don’t worry. That ship has sailed. He doesn’t want this baby, so far be it for me to argue with him.”
“Well…I’m relieved by that to be sure, but…” Audrey hesitated. “You’re just so angry—”
“I’ve been a doormat for too long,” Elizabeth interrupted. “I am tired of it. It gets me nowhere. I’m pregnant for the third time in my life, and all three of those babies were from different men. Do you know how disgusting that makes me feel?” She pressed a hand to her chest. “It doesn’t matter that I miscarried my first child. I married Ric Lansing, a psychotic jackass who slept—” She hesitated, but figured, you know what? Fuck the world. “He slept with his own damn stepdaughter as well as an equally insane mob princess who tried to kill me on several occasions.”
“Ah…yes, well…” Audrey coughed. “I don’t…deny that you’ve had a difficult…time…”
“Anger is good, Gram,” Elizabeth assured her. “It’s going to get me out of a marriage that might otherwise drown me, and it’s going to keep me from making more mistakes. You do understand that the men I chose as fathers of my children were Ric Lansing, Zander Smith, Jason Morgan and then I had Lucky step in as a stand-in?”
Audrey pursed her lips. “Well, I suppose when you put it that way, my dear, your choices do to leave something to be desired. Lucky Spencer certainly isn’t the same boy you fell in love with all those years ago.”
“Damn right he’s not.” Elizabeth tossed her hair over her shoulder. “And I’m not going to feel guilty because I don’t love him anymore. I’m going to get my life together, Gram, and I’m going to raise my children without any help from people who don’t love my kids for the absolute treasures they are.”
“I can support that goal.” Audrey nodded. “All right, well then if being angry is going to keep you focused on yourself for once, then I am behind you one hundred percent.” She hesitated. “Just me sure you’re taking your anger out on the right people.”
“That’s the beauty, Gram. There are so many people who’ve screwed me over that it’s simpler to find people who haven’t pissed me off.”
“I hope you’re happy.”
The snarl interrupted Elizabeth’s pleasant lunch with her son. Ignoring Sam’s pouting and irritated looks, Elizabeth calmly finished cutting Cameron’s sandwich into quarters.
“I’m sure you’re not going to have this conversation in front of my son,” Elizabeth said with a bright smile. “Because even you’re not that classless.”
“You’re calling me classless?” Sam snorted. “Please. You have no idea how you’ve ruined my life—”
Elizabeth sat back in her chair and clapped her hands on her thighs. “Wait, let me!” She glanced at Cameron who, bless his heart, was completely uninterested. “You’re angry that I’m having your boyfriend’s baby, conceived on a night he was so disgusted by finding you sleeping with your stepfather that I found him attempting to drink himself into oblivion.” Her lips curved into a smirk. “And you know…that didn’t work…so we found another way to make those awful…nasty…images go away.”
Sam growled. “Jason wants to be involved,” she spat. “This is your chance, you know. You can get him back by batting your little eyes—”
Oh, this was so god damn rich. Naturally, Jason felt guilty because he’d been absolute asshole. Well her baby deserved to be more than obligation. Elizabeth burst into genuine laughter. “Oh, what a rich fantasy life you lead. You think I want him back?”
Sam hesitated, clearly confused now. “Of course—”
“Sam…” Elizabeth leaned forward. “You do know I risked my career to get you that surgery that saved your life, and when Jason pushed you away, I spent all summer trying to get him to take you back. I’m sure, if I really wanted him, I could have made a play for him.” She shrugged and reached for her iced tea. “We’ll never know, will we? You should really stop listening to Carly.”
“I’m not going to lose Jason to you—”
“I don’t give a damn what the two of you do.” She winced when Cameron looked up at her mother’s angry tone. This had been amusing, but it was over and it was time this trash understood the lay of the land. “If you come near me again without my personal handwritten invitation, I will not only go to your mother, I will take out an ad in the newspaper. Maybe I’ll even hire a skywriter.”
When Sam pressed her lips together, Elizabeth narrowed her eyes. “So run along and find another mark to con, Sam. I’m done with you.” She turned her attention back to her son.
Standing behind the nurse’s station, Elizabeth watched with wary eyes as Maxie Jones practically pranced from the elevator towards her. Great. She couldn’t really let loose on this particular skank while on duty.
Though she wasn’t sure Epiphany wouldn’t support her.
“If it isn’t perfect, pure, prissy Elizabeth.” Maxie rested her elbows on the counter and batted her eyes. How much trouble would she be in if she reached out and yanked this bitch over the counter by just her eyelashes?
What an incredible visual.
“If it isn’t trampy, skanky, bitchy Maxie,” Elizabeth replied sweetly. “Can I help you?”
“Please, drop the act.” Maxie straightened. “You couldn’t satisfy Lucky, so I had to.” Her lips curved into a smile. “And he was very good.”
Elizabeth snorted. “Whatever, bitch. Run along, I’m busy.” She waved her hand towards the elevator. “If you hurry, there are more drug addicts on Courtland Street for you to screw.”
“Everyone knows the truth about you,” Maxie hissed. “That you were sleeping with Patrick Drake and Jason Morgan, and now you’re knocked up by Jason. Well, he clearly doesn’t want you either because he has Sam back—”
“Oh my God, this obsession with making sure I know Sam is dating Jason again.” Elizabeth rolled her eyes. “I’m pretty sure I don’t give a damn. I got the point. Sam has marked her territory. Whatever. Don’t care.”
Was it still a murder when it was provoked? She’d have to check the statutes.
Elizabeth closed a chart and reached for another, and raised her eyebrow at Maxie, who was clearly annoyed she hadn’t risen to the bait. “Anything else? Want to compare notes about my husband in bed? Won’t take long.” She shrugged. “And I’m sure you know…neither does he.”
Maxie gasped. “You…” She pointed at her. “You never deserved Lucky—”
“That is the one thing we can agree on. I definitely did not deserve him.” Elizabeth tapped her chin. “But you know what…you do. So go visit him in rehab, make sure he knows the happy news that he doesn’t have to worry about child support after all. Run along, before I call your father.”
Maxie glared at her, but spun her heels and stalked away.
To be honest, Elizabeth expected this visit sooner than nearly two weeks after she’d slammed out of Jason’s penthouse. Lucky for that bastard, he was keeping his distance because she thought she might push him out of a window.
Especially after that delightful conversation with Sam, and now this forthcoming one with an angry Carly who stood at the bottom of the stairs of the pier.
“Well, I suppose we should just get this over with.” Elizabeth stepped off the last stair and flipped her hair over her shoulder. “Let’s hear it, Carly.”
“Oh, you don’t want to play with me, you little—” Carly began.
Elizabeth held up a finger. “Wait, before we start this, I just want to know what I’m being screamed at about. Is it that I didn’t let Jason believe Lucky was the father? Or is because I’m actually pregnant with his child?” Fucking piece of shit blonde had plagued for her years. It was time Lizzie wiped the floor with her. “We both know that’s why you’re really angry.”
Carly blinked and stepped back. “What the hell? No, that’s…not even—”
“Sure it is, Carly.” Elizabeth arched an eyebrow. “You don’t want any woman in Jason’s life. When it was me, you shoved me out. When it was Sam, you shoved her out. We both know what you did to Robin. The only reason Courtney got to stick around was because she was so far up your ass, Jason didn’t even notice she was there half the time.” She stepped closer to the other woman. “You’ve never been able to get rid of me for good, and isn’t that why you’re so angry? As soon as you realized I might be back in the picture, you hotfooted it over to Sam to make sure she understood how it all worked.”
“You are delusional,” Carly spat. “I don’t give a damn who Jason sleeps with—”
“Could have fooled me,” Elizabeth sang. “You’ve done nothing but annoy the fuck out of me for the last six years. You have never forgiven me for keeping you from Jason that December when you screwed Sonny and ruined any chance you ever had with him. You did that, Carly. Not me. I just kept him from dying.”
“And you’ve been riding on that particular coattail for years,” Carly drawled. “What have you done for him lately?” she snarled.
“Seriously?” Elizabeth started to laugh. “Oh, you are fantastic, Carly. Let’s see…” She held out her hand, ticking each item off as she listed it. “Well, just this summer, I kept him from going to jail. I risked my career for an illegal surgery for Sam, I let him hide out in my studio a couple of years ago, I helped him find Sam when Manny kidnapped her—”
“Oh, whatever, whore,” Carly cut in. She jabbed her finger in Elizabeth’s face. “You’re not taking this child away from Jason, I won’t let you.”
“If you don’t stop pointing that finger at me, I’m going to break it off,” Elizabeth shot back. “And you’re a fine one to talk, you self-righteous crazy-ass bitch. You traded fathers around for Michael like they were candy. How many fathers has that poor boy had? Let’s see…Tony, AJ, Jason, Sonny, and now I hear Jax is stepping in.” She tilted her head to the side. “Who’s the whore now, Carly?”
“Listen to me—”
The sound of Jason’s angry voice cut off the blonde’s response and they both turned to see Jason stepping up from the pier that led to the warehouse.
“What did I tell you about harassing Elizabeth?” he demanded.
Well, this was interesting. Elizabeth turned to Carly, expectantly. Carly looked annoyed.
“Not to,” the blonde muttered. She shoved her hands in her pockets. “But—”
“But nothing. This is between me and Elizabeth.” Jason pointed at her. “If you and Sonny had just stayed out of it, we wouldn’t be in this goddamn mess.”
Hello. That’s what she’d been saying for years. If not these bastards, who knows where she and Jason might have ended up?
“She’s just going to hurt you,” Carly began.
“And you would know, being so good at yourself,” Elizabeth snapped. “Fuck off, Carly. I’m done with you.” She turned to head up the other side of the steps, but Jason held out his hand.
“Can we talk for a minute?”
Elizabeth pursed her lips, but decided he deserved at least five minutes of her time. He’d been good about not bothering her too much since she’d left, and clearly he’d taken Carly to task over her interference. “Fine.” She glared back at Carly. “But not around her. I may push her into the harbor.”
“Whatever.” Carly stabbed a finger at her. “I always knew that princess routine was a goddamn fake—”
“Carly, I warned you all those years ago I wasn’t anyone’s angel.” She smirked. “You just didn’t believe me.”
Once Carly had disappeared up the stairs, and the sound of her heels had faded, Elizabeth turned and looked at Jason. “You have five minutes. Use them wisely.”
Jason exhaled slowly. “I get that you’re angry…I just don’t know why you’re so mad at me.” He shook his head. “I know I didn’t say any of the right things two weeks ago—”
“The right things,” Elizabeth repeated with derision. “What the fuck, Jason?” And he blinked at her. “What happened to you? You used to tell the truth, and damn the consequences. Did Carly remove your balls for safekeeping?”
Jason pressed his lips together and she saw his throat jump. Good, he was angry. He was always more honest when he was angry. “Elizabeth—”
“I mean, seriously. I get that people change, but that shouldn’t be one of the things to go away.” She folded her arms across her chest, uncomfortable with feeling so angry with him. She’d been angry before, but it had always been mixed with confusion, guilt and hurt. Now, it seemed clear. She’d tried to be as honest with him as possible, and all he could do was stand there and talk about not saying the right things. “I don’t want to hear the right things, I don’t want to hear what you think I want to hear. You either start being honest with me, or I’m walking up the stairs and the next time we talk can be in a court room for custody.”
Jason put his hands at his waist and looked away for a minute before turning them back at her, and she was relieved to see the anger in them. “Is that you want? For us to fight over custody like Carly and Sonny did?”
“No,” Elizabeth replied simply. “But I’m not letting anyone push me around anymore. You told me it was for the best the child belonged to that drug-addicted man who threw me to the ground when I was pregnant, shot at you several times, slept with the commissioner’s barely legal daughter, and let’s not forget the times he attacked you. You don’t even like Lucky, Jason. Why the hell would you think he’s the better father? He couldn’t even get clean for Cameron.”
“Because I didn’t…” Jason stopped and shook his head. “Elizabeth—”
“No, tell me the goddamn truth for once. It’s not that difficult. You used to be really good at it,” she snarled. “You didn’t what?”
“I wanted the baby!” Jason growled at her. “And when Carly told me it wasn’t mine, I didn’t…know what to think, because how could I feel like I lost something that was never mine to begin with?”
Elizabeth frowned. Well, hell. That was almost a reasonable explanation. She nodded. “Okay. That’s fine.” Suddenly, she felt some of her anger, particularly at him, drain from her. “I don’t know what you want me to say, Jason. That you preferred to lie to me than tell me the truth…it says it all doesn’t it?”
“I didn’t want you to feel like you had…” He shifted and looked away. “Disappointed me. I wanted to make it right for you.”
Elizabeth rolled her eyes. “Well, that is not your job. It is my responsibility to make things right for me. I needed you to be the one person in this entire mess I could depend on. Everyone is coming at me, expecting me to just feel bad about what I’ve done, like I’ve done something horrible. People who have no business throwing stones at me when they live in fucking glass houses. So, you know why to know why I’m so goddamn angry?” She stepped towards him, her finger stabbing in his direction. “Because you were supposed to be different. I thought….after all this time, after all the problems we’d had once, that we’d gotten that back. That you were my safe place.”
“But no, you had to be someone else I have to protect myself from.” She shook her head. “That man who saved my life once? Who showed me the wind and how to get up in the morning without drowning in grief? He’s gone. Just like the sweet boy who died in the fire. You both left me, and I was too dumb to see neither of you ever came back.” Tears burned in the corner of her eyes. “Joke’s on me.”
She turned her back, intent on walking away, but he grabbed her elbow.
“You do not have to protect yourself from me,” Jason said. He turned her back to face him. “I haven’t gone anywhere—”
“No?” Elizabeth arched an eyebrow. “Fine. If you think we can be honest with each other, let’s try it out.” She paused, and thought about what she should say. Let him have it both barrels? Fuck it, right?
“When I opened those paternity results and realized you were the father of my child, I was relieved. And I was happy. Because it’s exactly what I was afraid to admit it was what I wanted all along.” She sighed. “I wanted you to be the father. I just wished I knew you felt the same.”
“I do.” Jason took both her hands in his and looked at her, and she could see the truth in his eyes now. “Elizabeth, when you told me there was a chance the baby was mine, I didn’t…I didn’t want you to see how happy it made me.” He hesitated. “I knew it was going to complicate things, that things were going to be messy, but I wanted it anyway.”
“Because you want a child in particular,” Elizabeth said slowly, hoping she wasn’t mistake a mistake because if he said the wrong thing now, she might shove him into the harbor. “Or you wanted this child…with me?”
When he didn’t answer immediately, she started to pull back but instead, he tightened his grip. “Because I wanted this child with you,” Jason said, his voice doing that low thing that always made her want to do naughty things. Focus!
“Hmm…” Was all Elizabeth could think to say. She hadn’t foreseen this complication, having assumed he’d do what he always did, and just let her deal with things her own way with pushing it.
“Are you still angry with me?”
Bastard. Using that voice, looking at her that way. She should push him into the water just to be perverse.
“Not with you, no,” she answered finally. “The rest of the world can still go to hell, but you…” She rolled her eyes, and almost felt relieved at this. “You’re off the hook.” She arched an eyebrow and met his amused eyes. “For now. You start pulling that saying the right thing shit on me again and I will set you on fire.”
“Believe me, Elizabeth,” he said with a half-grin. “I think I’m cured of trying to protect your feelings. You can take care of yourself.”
“Damn right.” She nodded. She pursed her lips. “I could use a ride home.”
“Funny you should mention that. My bike is parked by the warehouse.”
Hells, yeah. Had she known that, it would have been reason enough to forgive him. “Well, then I guess we should go to the warehouse.”
“You’re not driving.”
Elizabeth glared at the back of his leather jacket as they started across the docks. How did he— “I didn’t even ask—”
“Some things will never change.” He stopped and then turned back to her. “Sam and I didn’t get back together.”
“Yeah? Because there are about twelve thousand people in this town who couldn’t wait to stop me and let me know you were.” Elizabeth hesitated. “Not that I care.” Liar. Shut up, Lizzie. Your work is done here.
“We talked about it, but…” He hesitated. “I didn’t like the way she acted when she found out about the baby. How she treated you, and she said that since you were too angry to talk to me, we should petition for custody.”
“Ha.” Elizabeth snorted. “Don’t take this the wrong way, Jason, because you know I love you and everything, but the day you and a former con artist who slept with her stepfather gets custody of a baby over member of the Webber/Hardy family is the day you bribe a judge.” She hesitated, with a sheepish grin. “And by that, I mean, I know you wouldn’t do that anyway.”
“This is our child and our life,” Jason told her. “We are the only people who get to decide what happens next. I knew you were angry, but I also knew you would eventually talk to me.” The corner of his lip curved up. “Because no matter how much time passes, we still know each other.”
“Yeah. Who would have guessed?”
When he reached out his hand to go down the pier towards the warehouse, she took it. She still wanted to blow up the rest of Port Charles, but for now…Jason could live.
Especially if he wasn’t going to get back with Sam, being honest with her, and sending her smiles.
As they stood next to his bike, he handed her a helmet. “Long way or short way home?” he asked.
She fastened the helmet and grinned, because they both knew what he was asking. There was no long or short way to Audrey Hardy’s house. It was seven blocks away. “Like you even have to ask.”