Again

Song: Honestly Ok by Dido

 

I just want to feel safe in my own skin
I just want to be happy again

The pillow is in his hands. His fingers are clenching the sides of the material so tightly that they are numb.

She sleeps peacefully or as peacefully as she can with the knowledge he knows she holds. Her face is pale, her hair spread over her own pillow, falling around her face.

She is the most beautiful person he’s ever known—inside and out. And he can say that for a brief moment in time, she loved  and believed in him.

I just want to feel deep in my own world

He walks quickly down the hall—not too quickly though. He doesn’t want to bring any attention to himself. He has one clear goal for this night. He wants answers and he finally believes she’s in a position to give them.

Her room is just at the end of the corridor and if he can get there without any hospital personnel stopping him…there might yet hope for them all.

But I’m so lonely
I don’t even want to be with myself anymore

He steps towards her and starts to lower the pillow. He closes his eyes as he does it and when he feels the resistance of her skin stopping it’s descent, he presses harder.

Her arms start to flail on the bed and they claw at his forearms. He can hear her gasping for air and he wants to stop but he knows there’s no turning back.

On a different day
If I was safe in my own skin
Then I wouldn’t feel lost and so frightened

He’s at the door and about to push it open when a nurse steps into the hallway. He moves into the corner, into the shadows until she’s gone.

But this is today
And I’m lost in my own skin

He can feel her struggle lessening. Her arms aren’t moving as rapidly, her chest isn’t heaving. He can almost feel the life slipping from her.

And I’m so lonely
I don’t even want to be with myself anymore

He turns the knob slowly and pushes the door open.

And I just say oh, oh
I feel, oh, oh

He doesn’t even hear the door opening as he finally lifts the pillow from her face. He turns to see Jason Morgan in the doorway. Ric Lansing doesn’t speak, he doesn’t cast one last look at his now dead wife. He sets the pillow on the bed.

Jason is unable to move, unable to process what it is he thinks he’s seeing. But as Ric begins to slow move from the room, Jason pins him to the wall with one hand.

“What did you do?” he demands, harshly.

And I’m so lonely
I don’t even want to be with myself anymore.

“The only thing I could,” Ric chokes out. Jason twists his head back to look at the woman in the bed, panicking when he notices that her monitors have been unhooked. He turns back around and slams his fist in the other man’s jaw. Ric sees stars before he blacks out, the liquor he’ drank before coming here taking effect.

Jason lets the scum slide to the floor before hurrying over to her bed.

I just say oh, oh
And I’m so lonely

Elizabeth Lansing isn’t breathing but he can feel a faint pulse in her neck. He uses the call button and then starts CPR.

A nurse comes in, sees the man on the floor, the man performing CPR and darts back out. The call for a crash cart is heard and before Jason knows it, he’s pushed out of the way.

I feel oh, oh
I don’t even want to be with myself anymore

Elizabeth is technically dead for two minutes. But the doctors are quick working and the crash cart is there in seconds. Her small body convulses into the air as they use the paddles to bring her back.

A nurse has hooked up her monitors and the horrible screech of the flat line echoes in the room for a few moments before her heart starts to beat again.

I just want to feel safe in my own skin

She doesn’t quite remember everything when she wakes up, but she does know that Carly is in a hidden room in her home and she tells Jason how to open it.

When she learns that her husband nearly killed her, she isn’t able to speak for a moment or two. But when she does, she just thanks Jason for saving her life.

Again.

I just want to be happy again

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