Sand and Water

Song: Sand and Water (Beith Neilsen Chapman)

 

All alone I didn’t like the feeling
All alone I sat and cried

For the first time since her husband died, she thought she might have found someone.

Someone who challenged her. Who felt the same burning need she did.

To take what Sonny Corinthos held dear and destroy it. Because he’d destroyed both their worlds without a second glance.

He’d taken Ric’s mother from him.

He’d taken her husband from her.

Mickey Roscoe had been her whole world. Her entire reason for breathing, for waking in the morning.

The reason she wasn’t another statistic.

All alone I had to find some meaning
In the center of the pain I felt inside

He’d saved her from a life on the streets at age seventeen Until the moment she’d met Michael “Mickey” Roscoe, her life had been a series of bad dreams and nightmarish events.

From her molesting and rapist father—whom she’d killed at age fifteen—to the mother who’d never really seen her, never really cared about her.

She didn’t remember pulling the trigger when she’d killed her father. She just remembered he’d come to her bedroom and she knew he wanted to rape her. Again.

Like he had for the past five years.

And she couldn’t take it anymore.

She’d shot him. And she’d decided that no man had the right to tell her what to do and would never hold that power again.

All alone I came into this world
All alone I will someday die

Mickey had understood that and she’d thought Ric had, too. She thought Ric understood why Sonny had to pay. He’d stolen their families, their worlds.

She’d been pregnant when Sonny had Mickey killed and she’d lost the child only months later. There’d been no one tell—no one to help her grieve. She’d channeled all her anger, all her misery into one goal.

Destroying Sonny.

And Ric should have seen that. He should have understood.

But he didn’t, not anymore. Not since that excruciatingly lame waitress had managed to trap him into a marriage.

But she needed Ric back. And she’d only begun to understand why.

Solid stone is just sand and water, baby
Sand and water, and a million years gone by

For the first time since Mickey had died, she’d been able to envision the future. She’d seen a good one, too. When Sonny was gone, she and Ric would have his empire and they’re rule with an iron fist.

It was a dream she’d cultivated for months, and now she understood why she needed Ric with her.

Because she’d fallen in love with him.

And when she loved someone, it was with her whole entire body and soul. And she’d been unable to accept the fact that he didn’t love her back.

I will see you in the light of a thousand suns
I will hear you in the sound of the waves

Sex was cheap. Sex was easy. She had the looks, the body, the charm. She could get it when she wanted it. She’d been able to goad Ric into one night, hadn’t she?

But Ric was hung up on that twit—especially now that she was pregnant. He’d never leave her now. Not while he had the chance at a family.

Mickey had always told her to go after what she wanted and to make no apologies for her methods. Mickey had been a wonderful person with potential—someone who could have run Port Charles far better than Sonny ever could.

I will know you when I come, as we all will come
Through the doors beyond the grave

So she felt no remorse for tossing the little Webber angel down the steps. The girl had survived, hadn’t she?

She’d seen a threat and sought to remove it. Elizabeth’s pregnancy threatened her dream, her fantasy.

And threats were removed. That was the first rule in this business. Threats couldn’t be tolerated.

All alone I heal this heart of sorrow
All alone I raise this child

Sometimes she compared Ric and Mickey, and Ric always came up short. Not because he didn’t love her—she thought that maybe even if he did, it would never measure up to Mickey.

Mickey had known her—known her inside and out and he’d loved her anyway. He knew her father had molested her—that he’d worked his way up to rape. He knew she’d killed him and had sold her body to survive.

He’d known the deepest darkest blackest parts of her heart and he’d loved her anyway. Unconditional love was new to her, something she’d never experienced before.

Something she’d never have again.

Flesh and bone, he’s just
Bursting towards tomorrow

Ric, even if she could convince him to love her, would never know her like that. He could ask where the scars came from and maybe she’d be able to tell him, but she’d never cry herself to sleep in his arms because of it.

She’d never let him see one of her tantrums, one of her breakdowns. She’d never let him see one of her nightmares, where she woke up sweating, feeling dirty and clammy hands covering her body.

Because even if he did love her, she had a feeling that her past wouldn’t be good enough for him. And even if it was, he’d never really understand.

And his laughter fills my world and wears your smile
All alone I came into this world

But he was the first man since Mickey that she’d even considered a future with. And that had to mean something. Didn’t it?

He’d leave the little girl eventually when he started to feel suffocated by having to suppress his feelings of rage.

He’d come back to her and together, they’d finally destroy Sonny.

Ric would do it for his father, for the mother he’d never known.

And she would do it for the family that’d been ripped from her and the dreams that Sonny had crushed.

All alone I will someday die
Solid stone is just sand and water, baby

And maybe when she finally had Ric, she could stop missing her husband.

She could stop loving him.

Sand and water, and a million years gone by

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