Horndogs and Godparents

“Okay, I usually take the blame when it’s deserved–”

“Yeah, or the credit when it’s not.”

“–but I think Gia is unreasonable.”

“Has there ever been a fight between the two of you where she’s been reasonable and you’ve been at fault?”

“Yes.”

“Name one.”

“That’s not the point here.”

“It never is when I ask you to provide me an example of anything and you can’t back it up. You’re a idiot.”

“I am not. As the godfather of your children–”

“Just the one. It’s Nikolas’s turn.”

“I cannot believe you’d choose him over me! I got you guys together–”

“Yes, but you and Gia are Nicole’s godparents. It’s Nikolas and Emily’s turn.”

“He’s never going to let me live this down.”

“You’re being ridiculous. It’s not like being a god parent is of any use except you know…the actual ceremony.”

“But Nikolas is the Dark Prince, Lizzie. I mean, he’s not any more suitable than Patrick.”

“Patrick’s not suitable at all. He’s a horndog and I don’t want him giving Sebastian any bad habits.”

“Sebastian? Sebastian?”

“It’s a classy name.”

“It’s a stupid name.”

“Says the man called Lucky.”

“It’s a nickname.”

“Right.”

“It’s a variation of Lucas.”

“Uh huh.”

“You know, Elizabeth Imogene–”

“Hey, Imogene is a very classy name with strong roots in history. Lucky is a dog’s name.”

“Oh, that’s just a low blow.”

“Well, it is.”

“If it’s so classy, why didn’t you name Nicole that?”

“If your name is so fabulous, why didn’t you and Gia name your kid after you?”

“Markus is a family name.”

“And there’s only a thousand Lucases in your family.”

“We’re off topic here.”

“Funny how that happens when you know I’m right.”

“You’re not right. Markus a good name and so is Lucas and Lucky is a good name.”

“Uh huh.”

“Anyway, Gia is being unreasonable. She accused me wanting her to get fat.”

“…”

“Ha! No response?”

“Why in the world would she say something like that?”

“I have no idea. She asked me for doughnuts, I brought her doughnuts and then she burst into tears–”

Oh.”

“Oh?”

“Oh.”

“What does that mean?”

“Mood swings, cravings, this doesn’t sound familiar?”

“Oh.”

“Yeah.”

“Well, hell.”

“So I guess Nikolas and Emily are going to be godparents twice over.”

“Nah, it’s Robin’s turn. We promised her the next one when she found that flavor of ice cream Gia was craving.”

“Ha! So that means your kid gets the horndog for a godfather. Serves you right.”

“Hey, they are not a package set. She’s got time to come to her senses.”

“That’s what everyone said about Gia before your wedding.”

“You’re unnecessarily cruel.”

“Yeah, that’s me. Lizzie, the eater of puppies and children.”

“It would not surprise me.”

“Big baby.”

“Hey, you’re the one who said it. That’s why I gotta be careful with you, you’re unpredictable. I could say, okay, go kill someone–”

“And you’d think I’d do it? Real nice.”

“No, but you’d have a very wicked retort for me and somehow it would leave into a conversation about sexual positions and I just do not need to hear about that.”

“That’s fine. I’ll just stop giving Gia tips.”

“Well, let’s not be hasty.”

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