I’m Not Going to Ask

“Gia said the strangest thing to me last night.”

“Let me guess. ‘You fell asleep again!’ ”

“Ha. Very funny, Liz. No, not that.”

“All right, all right. I’ll bite.”

“She said she loves chocolate more than me.”

“What’s today’s date? The twenty-second?”

“Yeah. What’s that have to do with Gia’s obsession?”

“Honestly, Lucky, don’t you know anything about women, do you?”

“You’re now just figuring this out?”

“I love when you admit I’m right.”

“I admit nothing.”

“You want to know why Gia’s particularly fond of chocolate right now?”

“I don’t want to know, do I?”

“It depends. How do you feel about sex?”

“You need to ask?”

“Yeah, you’re right. Okay, so there’s this scientific study that says eating chocolate releases the same pheremones as sex.”

“So Gia likes chocolate because it makes her feel like she’s having sex.”

“And Nikolas said you were an idiot.”

“Ha! My brother’s just jealous.”

“Yeah, Nikolas–the rich European prince–is jealous of you. Right.”

“So if it’s like sex, why doesn’t she just ask?”

“Maybe it’s because you have a nasty habit of falling asleep.”

“I knew it was a bad idea for you and Gia to get along.”

“Okay, I’m going to make this really clear…even you’re going to be able to understand it, I promise.”

“Okay, lay it on me.”

“Do you ever notice Gia eating more chocolate around this time of the month?”

“Sometimes. Why?”

“Think about it, idiot.”

“Oh. Oh. OH!”

“Is it a little bit more clear right now?”

“Ew. Why’d you tell me that?”

“You asked.”

“Does Jason know about this?”

“Who cares?”

“Uh oh. Trouble in paradise?”

“Paradise? You’re kidding right?”

“I thought you were over the whole Courtney thing.”

“It has nothing to do with the ho.”

“What did he do this time?”

“I hate when you say it like that–like I’m probably over reacting and that Jason isn’t really wrong.”

“Well, what happened?”

“I don’t want to talk about it.”

“Don’t be so stubborn. Come on, it’s been eight months. You’d think you would have ironed out the wrinkles in the relationship.”

“That’s not the point.”

“Come on, Lizzie. You know you’re going to tell me.”

“Don’t call me Lizzie.”

“What did my poor dumb friend do this time?”

“He asked me to move in with him.”

“Wait, I’m confused.”

“Shocker.”

“Shut up. No, I thought a commitment is a good thing.”

“It is.”

“I’m lost.”

“It’s the way he did it.”

“Oh. How’d he do it?”

“Well, you know my apartment was broken into last week right?”

“Yeah. It was trashed, right?”

“Yeah. Well, Jason says that my neighborhood sucks.”

“It does.”

“That’s not the point.”

“Well, what is the point? You’re making my head spin.”

“He said I should give up the apartment and move in with him. And get this–he offered me the guest room.”

“Liz, you know…you know he was just trying to not pressure you…you know that right?”

“After eight months, a little pressure is fine!”

“Okay, I admit that his approach was little…off…but his heart was in the right place.”

“I told him I loved him last week.”

“Oooh–what did he say?”

“He said that’s nice.”

“Ouch.”

“Yeah. What do you have to say to that, Dr. Lucky? Huh?”

“Look, you know I think that Jason is a great guy–I mean I wouldn’t have fixed the two of you up otherwise. But has he told you about Robin?”

“Yes, he’s told me about Robin.”

“I think he really does love you–”

“Ha!”

“–but he’s afraid to admit it.”

“When in the hell did his insecurities become my problem?”

“When you fell in love with him.”

“All right, what do you propose I do, then?”

“I propose you talk to him about it.”

“What would I even say? We’ve been dating for eight months but you kind of broke my heart last week when you said that’s nice instead of the three words and gee–it’s really sweet you want me to live with you but I’m not completely understanding why you don’t want me in your bedroom.”

“No. Be honest.”

“That was honest.”

“No, that was sarcasm.”

“Sarcastic honesty.”

“Elizabeth.”

“Lucas.”

“Oh, you did not just call me that.”

“I believe I did.”

“You know this means death, right?”

“Good. Better than having to see Jason tomorrow.”

“Wait, wait. If you’re fighting why would you see him?”

“Well…he doesn’t really know.”

“Hold the phones–Jason doesn’t know you’re fighting.”

“Isn’t that what I just said?”

“So…what did you say when he asked you move in with him?”

“I told him I’d think about it.”

“E-liz-a-beth. You need to talk to him.”

“I don’t want to.”

“Don’t be an idiot.”

“Lucky?”

“I love you, you know that? But sometimes you have this tendency to overreact and Jason’s been at the brunt of it lately. He’s been good about it and he’s been trying to make it work. You need to return the favor.”

“What am I supposed to do? Come right out and tell him that I love him and ask him why he didn’t say it back?”

“No. What you want to do is tell him at like a vulnerable time when he has no choice but admit how he really feels.”

“Throwing him under a bus doesn’t seem like a good option.”

“No, that’s not what I meant. Like just as he falls asleep or when he wakes up. That’s how Gia pries it out of me.”

“I don’t want to pry it out of him. I want him to tell me because he wants me to know.”

“So, give him the chance. Move in with him. Stay in the guest room. Tell him you love him. If Jason’s any kind of man, the guest room routine will only last about two nights–three at the most.”

“And if he’s got more restraint than that?”

“I’ll have a talk with him.”

“Great. You’ll just confuse him more.”

“The man dates you, it’s not possible.”

“Ha.”

“Look, I gotta go. I gotta stop by the store and get another chocolate bar for Gia.”

“Don’t worry…it’s probably only another few days.”

“I wish you’d never told me.”

“Well, you asked.”

“You’d think I would have learned by now.”

“Yeah, you would wouldn’t you?”

“You gonna take my advice?”

“Yes. And I’m going to Victoria’s Secret before I move in.”

“I’m not going to ask.”

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