Naked Chicks

“Okay, this is what I’ve decided.”

“You actually made a decision?”

“Yes.”

“Don’t be so testy, Lizzie. I was just asking.”

“Well it was a stupid question, Lucky. Since I said I decided, I obviously decided.”

“Okay.”

“Okay, what?”

“What?”

“You’re giving me the look.”

“Look?”

“Lucky, you have that look. Where you have more to say but you fear for your life if you do say it.”

“Oh. Well…”

“What?”

“You’ve made the decision five other times. Quite frankly, Gia needs an answer.”

“Why do I care what Gia needs?”

“Because Gia’s your maid of honor and in order to get fitted for the dress, you have to pick the color. And the design. You haven’t done that yet. You haven’t actually even looked for a dress yourself.”

“I’ve got time.”

“You’ve got six weeks. I think you’re worrying the groom.”

“The groom can go stick it in his ass.”

“I know that tone.”

“Tone? Listen, buddy–”

“What did my poor unwitting friend do this time?”

“He suggested that I take on another bridesmaid.”

“So? You’ve only got Georgie Jones and Emily. Jason’s got three groomsmen. You could use one more.”

“He suggested Carly.”

“Oh. Oh.”

“Yeah, oh. At this rate, Jason’s gonna be really lucky I show up to marry him. The absolute nerve of that jackass–”

“I forget. Why do we hate Carly?”

“How does Gia put up with you?”

“I’m good in bed.”

“Yeah. Right.”

“You shouldn’t scoff like that. You’ve never slept with me.”

“And I thank God every day for that miracle.”

“Why am I friends with you again?”

“Because you adore me.”

“Ha!”

“Okay, so fill me in on Carly again. I really did forget.”

“It’s the same reason I didn’t want to invite her to the housewarming last month and why I didn’t invite her to the wedding shower next week and why we never go out with her and Sonny.”

“…Which is?”

“Honestly, Lucky, you really need to see someone about this memory lapse you seem to be suffering from. Carly Corinthos is the bane of my existence and my own best friend doesn’t remember why! The absolute nerve!”

“Oh…you know, suddenly, it’s coming back to me.”

“I’ll bet it is.”

“Something about her telling Courtney that Jason had dumped you and she should give him a special surprise on his birthday.”

“Yeah, something about suggesting that surprise me having me and Jason walk in on her in his bedroom sprawled out on the bed. Naked.”

“Naked, huh? You know, you never did tell me what she looked like. Is she really as big as–Ow! Damn it, that hurt!”

“Serves you right. You know, nothing spoils the mood of wanting to have sex than seeing your fiancé’s ex-girlfriend naked in his room. I nearly killed him before he managed to get out that he had no idea why she was there.”

“You should trust him more.”

“I don’t care how much someone trusts their boyfriend. When you see a naked chick on their bed looking like a present, you will always try to kill them first.”

“Okay. So what did you say to Jason when he suggested the atrocity of having his best friend be your bridesmaid?”

“I told him to go to hell.”

“You know, he and Carly go way back. They’ve been friends for like forever. You know he’s like a godfather to Michael and the kid thinks he walks on water. You know that Carly also didn’t tell Courtney to be a whore.”

“Carly hates me.”

“She hates that she’s losing Jason to you.”

“You know, her insecurities are not my problem.”

“Do you love Jason?”

“Yeah.”

“Do you want to marry him?”

“Occasionally.”

“Then her insecurities are your problem. His baggage is your baggage just like your uncontrollable lust for me is his baggage.”

“You’ve been smoking pot again haven’t you?”

“You know you can’t control yourself around me, Lizzie.”

“Yeah. It’s really hard to resist your animal magnetism.”

“Don’t think I don’t know sarcasm when I hear it. I know it.”

“You should.”

“Anyway, what are you going to do about this situation? Are you just going to lie down and take it? You going to bail on Jason?”

“No. We already put the deposit on the reception hall.”

“Lizzie.”

“No. Because I’ve already accepted he’s not going to ditch Carly. And I wouldn’t ask him too. But I just wish he’d tell her to butt the hell out of our lives. It’s freaking Courtney all over again! How many women do I have to deal with?”

“Look. Once you two are married, what does it matter what Courtney or Carly does? You already beat them. You get the guy.”

“Yeah. I guess.”

“Do you think it would mean a lot to Jason if you held the olive branch out to Carly?”

“Probably.”

“And isn’t the objective of marriage trying to make the other person happy?”

“I hate you.”

“You hate when I’m right.”

“That, too.”

“You going to do it or what?”

“I’ll do it.”

“Good. Hey…who’s planning the bachelor party?”

“No. Lucky.”

“Because I got this great idea–”

“No.”

“Lizzie–”

“No.”

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