No Visuals

“Valentine’s Day sucks.”

“You only say that because Gia’s mad at you again.”

“Ha…yeah, well maybe. I take it today is a good day in paradise?”

“It’s better than usual.”

“This have anything to do with the candlelit dinner?”

“Absolutely nothing. By the way, the tablecloth caught on fire.”

“I told him it was a bad idea. What about the roses?”

“They fell in a puddle.”

“Huh. The candy?”

“Melted.”

“The bracelet?”

“Now, that I liked.”

“So, wait, the dinner was a bust, the flowers and candy both got ruined and you still had a good time?”

“Yes.”

“What are you on and why aren’t you sharing?”

“What are you talking about?”

“Elizabeth, you’re happy. About Valentine’s Day. And Jason.”

“So, what’s your point?”

“You’ve got to be kidding me.”

“All right, all right. You want to know what happened?”

“I’m dying to know how Jason didn’t screw this one up.”

“So, you remember the whole guest room, the I love you is nice debacle?”

“Yep.”

“He totally made up for it tonight.”

“Oooh….sounds good to me. So, what did he do?”

“He returned the favor.”

“Returned the favor–oooohhhh…so would it be okay for me to say I told you so?”

“Haha, you’re so funny.”

“I told you he felt the same way.”

“Yeah, well, I wasn’t exactly trusting men at the point.”

“So, I bet you grilled him on his reaction the first time you said it.”

“Hell, yeah.”

“Is he in least one piece?”

“Yes. You don’t give me enough credit, Lucky.”

“I know you too well.”

“I’m going to take that as a compliment.”

“If that’s what you want.”

“Anyway, he told me that he’d been a little surprised and said the first thing that came to his mind.”

“Typical guy reaction. Gia told me and I asked for the remote.”

“When did this happen?”

“You remember that bruise I was sporting about six months ago?”

“You mean the one you told me you got from a door?”

“Yeah…well, the door was kind of more like her fist.”

“Good girl.”

“Hey, abuse is not funny.”

“Neither is being a guy. Wait, I take that back. Sometimes guys are hysterical. You don’t always mean to be, but hey, sometimes it happens.”

“Haha, so funny. So, is that only the reason you had a good Valentine’s Day?”

“Well…there was that and the fact that I overheard Courtney is out of town until sometime this summer.”

“Ah. Another one of her vac ations. How many kids is this now?”

“Four, I think. Where do you think she stashes them?”

“Maybe adoption.”

“Yeah, probably. So, my life is looking up. Jason loves me, the Victoria’s Secret thing worked and the ho is out of town.”

“You know having a conversation where I’m not trying to explain the way Jason–wait, what Victoria’s Secret thing?”

“Never fails. You mention the V word and all other rational thought ends. I told you that before I moved in with Jason, I was going to do some shopping.”

“Ohhh…”

“Yup. Found this one number where the bra is like see-through–”

“Lizzie, I don’t need a visual. The thought is entirely too disturbing.”

“Sorry. Anyway, I got this completely sheer robe that matches–”

“Lizzie, no more visuals. I am begging you.”

“Well, it’s hard to describe what happened if you don’t at least have an idea what I was wearing.”

“Suddenly I feel really really bad for Jason.”

“You should. He’s an idiot. So, moving on. I came downstairs when I knew he was getting his midnight drink–”

“Midnight drink?”

“Yeah. Apparently he gets really dehydrated in the middle of the night. Strange.”

“Not really. I could tell you why, but it’s a guy thing.”

“Enough said. So, I came downstairs into the kitchen, cleared my throat and the rest was history.”

“That was really disgusting.”

“Hey, it was not!”

“So, Jase didn’t even last one night with you in the guest room. Weak.”

“Yeah, like you would last five minutes.”

“Okay, you’ve got me there. You know, you still owe me.”

“I do not!”

“Oh, you so do. I played Cupid, remember? I’m the one that convinced you to on the blind date with him.”

“Okay, you’ve got me there. What do you want?”

“Please explain to Gia that I honestly did not mean to call her fat.”

“You’re kidding.”

“It was an accident. Look, she had on this really great blue dress. And she totally tricked me.”

“She asked the question, didn’t she?”

“Yeah. I was stupid enough to give her an honest answer.”

“What did you say?”

“I said no, of course not.”

“Right. So, the problem?”

“She changed.”

“Oh, boy.”

“Yeah, and then she asked again. And I was honest. Again.”

“Lucky, you know I’m all for honesty usually, right?”

“Right.”

“When a woman asks a question like that, never…ever give her an honest answer. It’s just not worth it.”

“Why do you all ask that question anyway?”

“You really want to know?”

“YES! It’s obvious you don’t really want to know what we think.”

“I’ll tell you if you really want to know.”

“Tell me. Please.”

“We love to watch you squirm for the right answer.”

“You’re kidding.”

“Nope.”

“Brats. Every single one of you.”

“I think I’ll take that as a compliment.”

“So, how does Jason answer that question?”

“He doesn’t.”

“And you let him get away with that?”

“I don’t ask.”

“You don’t? How’d he get so lucky?”

“Because Jason would give me an honest answer without a second thought. He’s like that. Doesn’t see the point in lying or anything.”

“Ah. If only Gia could be like you.”

“You love her just the way she is, you know that.”

“Yeah, I know. So any suggesti ons?”

“Grovel.”

“Check. Anything else?”

“Jewelry, probably. A nice pair of earrings or something.”

“Got it. Thanks, babe.”

“Good. So, we’re even, right?”

“We’re even.”

“Good. Because you’ve been lording the blind date thing over me for like nine months. It’s getting ridiculous.”

“Well, you know if you get married, I get to do it all over again.”

“How do you figure?”

“I don’t. I’ve just decided it on the spot.”

“You need some serious help.”

“Yeah, well, so do you.”

“This is true. Now go grovel to Gia. You got me out of bed to talk about this, and I think Jason–”

“No, no. Please, no visuals.”

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