Weapon of Choice

“Did you know that a hammer is not something you want to cracked over the head with?”

“I’m not entirely sure I want to know how you learned that.”

“It was an accident.”

“Yes. Just like the time Gia’s hairbrush accidentally collided with your head. Or the time you accidentally walked into the deep end of the pool at Nikolas’s house. The empty deep end. You are very accident prone.”

“There’s no need to mock.”

“Oh…there’s every need to mock.”

“I think I had a point here somewhere.”

“The hammer met your head. You were about to explain why.”

“Right. So I was in the garage at the house–Mom wanted me to fix the sink.”

“You were the only one there, weren’t you?”

“Hey, I am not useless. I can fix stuff.”

“A sandwich does not count.”

“I was in the garage, trying to find the tool box. Apparently, Dad’s hid it for some reason when he’s out of town.”

“Maybe it’s to keep you from fixing things.”

“Do you want to hear this or not?”

“Do I have a choice?”

“So I’m reaching on this shelf and this hammer comes crashing down on my head. And I think I saw stars. So, yes, a hammer hurts. Don’t use it on Jason.”

“Unlike Gia, I don’t have to resort to physical violence. I just kind of mutter under my breath, storm around the penthouse for a few days. He gets the message. Jason, unlike some people, can take a hint.”

“You’re mocking my pain.”

“Oh, I’m mocking something.”

“So, you’re not ticked at Jason?”

“Nope. Surprisingly, not this time. But this could coincide with Sonny taking his family on a vacation. With Carly and Courtney gone, life’s downright peachy.”

“Are you still harping on Big Boobs Matthews? Look, I wouldn’t touch that…that for all the money in the world.”

“Gia would cut your hand off.”

“That’s hardly the point.”

“Anyway, so long as the girl is showing up in our bed without any clothing on–”

“Jesus, Lizzie, I just ate!”

“–or sticking her tongue in Jason’s ear–”

“There goes the French fries too.”

“–or worse–”

“How can there be an ‘or worse’?”

“–straddling him in public.”

“I didn’t really want that burger anyway.”

“So long as she’s being a skank, then I get to harp on it, got it?”

“At the expense of my lunch, yeah, I got it.”

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