There Are

January 10, 2007

“You always think somehow, there’s going to be a miracle.”

Robin Scorpio glanced over shoulder and smiled faintly as Elizabeth Spencer stepped up to her side. The two women both cast their eyes to the gravestone they stood over. “I guess you do. I mean, even though you know they don’t happen all that often and even when they do, they usually turn out wrong…it doesn’t stop you from believing in them.”

“Would you have still treated her if you’d known how it would turn out?” Elizabeth asked softly. “Knowing that…it would end this way?”

“That would be asking me…would I still have fallen in love with Stone if I’d known that he would die of AIDS, but before that, he’d give me the virus as well.” Robin sighed. “There are days my answer would be no. But most days, the answer is yes.” She met Elizabeth’s eyes. “Would you have still fallen for Lucky all those years ago if you’d known it would end like that?”

“And that’s assuming you have a choice in who you love,” Elizabeth murmured. “But you don’t. I think we each know that better than anyone.”

“If I had known that by treating April Gilbert, that my entire life and those of the people I love would change irrevocably, would I have still fought for her surgery?” Robin pursed her lips. “I suppose it really doesn’t matter what my answer is, does it?” She trailed her fingers restlessly over the stone, knelt on her knees and traced the letters. “Patrick would have fought for her anyway.”

“That’s true.” Elizabeth hesitated. “But even if he hadn’t…would you have?”

“Yes,” Robin stood. “Because I’m a doctor and my patient’s needs come first. They have to come first. But I would have thought twice. I would have hesitated.” She chuckled bitterly. “I suppose that doesn’t make me a very good doctor, does it?”

“Maybe not,” Elizabeth allowed, “but it makes you human.” She touched Robin’s shoulder. “And there’s no shame in that.”

“I’m glad April came into my life,” Robin said after another moment. “Not that Patrick…that what happened, happened. But that I met her. And that I was able to make a difference, at least in her life.”

She tugged her coat more tightly around her and glanced over her shoulder where two cars waited, two men stood. Far apart, seeing as neither liked the other but there they stood nonetheless. “It’s strange how much everything’s changed since that day in the OR.”

“You’re not kidding,” Elizabeth laughed, her hand straying down to the rounded belly that was covered by her black pea coat. “I never thought I’d be in this place.”

“Are you sorry?” Robin asked, turning the tables on Elizabeth. “Are you sorry you went to him?”

“There are days when I say yes,” Elizabeth nodded, echoing robin’s answer. “Days when I think this is all a mistake and that it can’t end any other way but badly. But most days, I’m glad. Because if nothing else, something good will come from it. And our friendship survived it.”

“Friendship,” Robin sighed heavily. “That’s what it all comes down to in the end, doesn’t it?”

Elizabeth looped an arm around the brunette’s shoulder and hugged her. “Yeah, I guess so. It’s not going to be easy, Robin. We’ve both chosen hard roads.” She glanced down. “Me with my being pregnant with the baby of a notorious criminal. And you…” her eyes softened. “If you need me, Robin, for anything. Night or day, sun or snow. Because I love him, too.”

Robin’s throat swelled. “I know,” she said thickly. “And there are days when I think I can’t possibly do this again. That I can’t…” she closed her eyes. “But then there are days when I look at myself and realize that I’m proof. Right?”

“Right.” Elizabeth took Robin’s hand in her free one. “And even it turns out for the worst, you’ll have had today. And tomorrow. And as many other days come after it.”

“There are moments when it doesn’t feel real,” Robin said slowly. “And that I will wake up and it have been a dream. That he’s not…that he didn’t test…” she sucked in a deep breath. “That it’s all okay.”

“And there are moments when I think that I couldn’t have possibly tested pregnant. That it was a nightmare and even if it was true, it could never be his child.”

“It helps to say it out loud. That I’m scared and that I wish I’d never met April Gilbert, because if I’d never met her, Patrick would be okay right now.”

“He will be okay,” Elizabeth said. “We’ll all be okay. We might have different definitions of okay, but, hey…it’s not a death sentence anymore.”

“But it can be.” Robin closed her eyes. “I know that I’m strong. I know that I have lived through so many awful things and still came out standing but I have to wonder…”

“Don’t we all have a breaking point?” Elizabeth nodded in sympathy. “If you feel yourself breaking, I’m here. I love you. You know that.”

“I know.” Robin exhaled on a shaky breath and smiled weakly. “I love you, too. You know that. I don’t think I could have survived this last month without you. Since the moment we found out, you’ve been so good to me–”

“Well, you never turned your back on me either,” Elizabeth pointed out. She tilted her head in the direction of the cars. “We should get back to them. Jason gets cranky if I’m out in the cold for very long. I think he picked it up from Sonny.”

The two women turned and arm in arm, they made their way to their separate cars. Robin stepped up to Patrick and touched his shoulder.

“How are you feeling?” Robin asked. “Did you want to go say goodbye–”

“I said what I needed to say at the hospital,” Patrick said. He tucked her arm in his. “Robin, I understand if you–”

Don’t give me another out,” Robin interrupted. “I don’t need it or want it.” She opened the car door. “We should go.”

“Yeah, I definitely don’t need to spend any more time in a cemetery than I need to,” Patrick said darkly. “It won’t be more than a year before–” he stopped abruptly, seeing the stricken look that flashed across her face. “You’re right, let’s go.”

Jason hustled Elizabeth into the car but not before casting a concerned glance at Robin. “Is she okay?” he asked, once Elizabeth was settled inside.

Elizabeth rested one hand on her belly, feeling her daughter kicking and entwined her other with Jason’s. “No,” she admitted. “But then again, none of us is right?”

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